Exploring Silence:

In or Out ... A Personal Reflection

by Jenny May

Living in a remote mountain location provides me with a space, beautifully conducive to Silence; natural trails that allow me to move my body freely, few neighbors and no hustle and bustle of the city. Blessed to live in this location, I have the opportunity to practice one to three days of Silence on my own a few times each year.

 

Most recently, during a three-day opportunity to practice alone, I found myself wondering, “What does it mean to be in Silence?”

 

I kept my twice daily hatha and meditation practice during these three days, and I also maintained my usual daily activities such as gardening, home and yard maintenance and writing. However, instead of engaging in phone calls or email conversations, I incorporated hour-long segments of subtle body practices, reading sacred texts, listening to Swami Veda lectures, and so on.

 

The days filled with sacred activity passed so quickly and effortlessly that it led me to wonder, “Am I in Silence; and just how deeply? How does one truly know if they are in or out of Silence"? The questions arose often during these three days, but I didn’t dwell on them. I just kept moving from moment to moment–a seamless flow from one activity to another–now it’s time to eat, now time to tend the fire, now time to meditate and so on.

It wasn’t until the third morning, the day I would be releasing Silence, the answer to my questions arrived. Yes, I had indeed been in Silence, and yes, there was for me, a distinct difference.

 

The difference was apparent in my mundane activities this third morning. Gardening and tending the fire felt different, my mind knowing that I would be releasing Silence. Upon closing the garden gate, I realized I was “doing” the activity. I observed my mind flitting from one object to another, from one activity to another, with a hurried pace. The energy of “doing” seemed external to my body, as if my mind had developed an automatic habit of activity. It felt like I was in an entirely different space, contrasting with the effortless Silence of the days prior. I felt as if I were outside of my body.

 

I had not spoken a word yet that morning, but in the “doing”, in the activity, my mind was in a completely different space. I realized I was no longer in Silence. I found myself immersed in doing tasks—now I must go inside, now I must eat, etc. This was accompanied by a sense of future-oriented thinking. I felt the urgency of “doing” and realized the quality of this day had shifted. I recognized also that yes, the days prior I had indeed been in Silence and now I was not.

In that moment I bowed to grace and released the Silence, yet retained the understanding of the interplay I had experienced between Silence and activity.

 

There is a spiritually enriching quality that arises when one is engaged in Silence. I was able to experience, as Swami Veda has articulated in many lectures, that Silence is not merely the absence of speaking. What I felt and experienced over those three days was that Silence is a space of inner connection. I could hear Swami Veda’s voice in my mind, reminding me to hold Silence for as long as I can in the outside world.

 

I learned that Silence is not something we “do,” but rather something that we “are.” When in Silence we engage with the energy, flow, and grace within, even as the external world continues to move. In Silence, my mind remained within, allowing the outer world to move around me; in non-silence, I actively engaged with it.

May we all encounter Silent moments that remind us of our connection to that which dwells within. May we nurture that inner space and find ways to integrate it into our daily lives. May all beings, even if just for a moment, experience the remembrance of who we truly are.

 

Om