Exploring Silence by Carol Crenshaw

 

Exploring Silence

by Carol Crenshaw 

The idea of a silence retreat can be terrifying to some, anxiety-producing to others, and a welcome pause in a busy life for still others. Which category do you fall into?

Even the meaning of silence itself brings up a wide range of thoughts, emotions, and reactions. For some, silence simply means not speaking. But what about gestures, notes, pantomime, or communication through glances? Swami Veda spoke of silence as remembering your true nature even while speaking. He said, “Speak only when you are in silence.” Many misunderstandings and hurt feelings could be avoided if we followed this advice!

What do you do during a silence retreat? Some people like to read, listen to recordings, sleep, or otherwise fill up space in the day. For beginners, some of this may be helpful. But since the purpose of silence is to go inward, spiritual practice is the best use of our time. That being said, rest is important. Many of us begin a retreat carrying the fatigue of overly busy lives, and we may need extra sleep at first.

Japa and breath awareness are especially important tools to use, both throughout the day and in formal practice sessions. The more mantra repetitions we place in the mind, the easier it will be for us to use mantra to stay present in our daily lives later on.

Japa can be practiced in many ways: while sitting formally, walking, eating, resting, or engaging in daily activities. When sitting becomes difficult for the body, japa can continue in any position. It may be done with a mala, especially when aiming for a certain number of repetitions, or without one. You can experiment and discover which methods work best at different times.

I find that some mantras flow effortlessly, while others feel like wading through thick sludge. Perhaps the difficult ones are the mantras we need most! It may be helpful to decide before the retreat which mantra or mantras you would like to practice.

Breath awareness is a central practice around which everything else revolves. Studying the breath leads us more deeply into our emotions and attitudes. It is an endless experiment to see what thoughts, emotions and feelings we are experiencing when we breathe in different ways. During a silence retreat we have plenty of time on our hands to experiment so why not make the best use of that opportunity? Journaling can also be a helpful process.

Silence can sometimes be difficult as powerful emotions and memories arise. During some of my earlier retreats, I sometimes found it challenging simply to be with myself. At those times, walking and asana became very helpful. Movement can help channel emotions and make them easier to sit with. I remember Swami Veda saying that he enjoyed watching the little volcanoes erupting in people during retreat. He certainly found it more amusing than I did!

I have found that every experience of silence is different. Each retreat brings its own unique insights and understandings. I encourage you to keep experimenting, learning, and growing through your own experiences, and to honor where you are in any given moment.